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genessia
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| "Hi, Jaune Arc here! ...Except that, I'm actually not here right now. Or maybe I am and I just re-discovered decent comic books but I mean, I'm probably not ignoring you. So leave me a message. Unless you were trying to call someone else. Then you should call them. Smiley face." |
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...You know. I'm not subtle like you are. And a few fake papers and a flashy name aren't going to get us into this one. [He's a lot more focused on his pizza now.]
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[ Mercury's pretty much the first and only person to genuinely care about her, anyway. Cassian... she's sure he cares about her on some level, but if she were to live truly to herself, she knows he'd turn away. Oh well. Emerald kind of stares out the window as she takes a bite of her pizza. She doesn't expect Jaune to have any idea what that's like. He's always surrounded by his idiot friends. ]
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And as soon as you challenge that, as soon as you're no longer what they want, or think they want...or they find someone better at it, it's like it never happened. Like it never mattered, you never mattered.
Or am I off the mark? [He's not looking at her.]
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[ She's not going to say she 100% gets what he's talking about. She doesn't. ]
I never mattered to anyone other than Cinder. Not without caveats- Cassian likes to say he likes me, but he wouldn't if I didn't hold back. Johnny likes me, but that's because he doesn't know anything about me. [ A brief moment before she adds. ] Mercury does, but.. [ She won't get into that. The insecurity she feels because Yang is in his life now, because he actually gives a shit about someone other than her, even if she doesn't want him like she does. The fact that his partner is now Garrus, not her, and he never even asked if she wanted to be a deputy or work with him. He doesn't need her, even if he likes her- even if they're friends, if she won't abandon him whether he's good or evil or anything in between. No one ever needs her, and she knows she should just be happy being actually wanted by someone- it's more than she's ever had, but it still feels like she's being left behind as he finds new ways to move forward and she...
But that's a little more raw than she wants to get with Jaune, so she just pipes up with a vaguer answer. ]
It's more like.. you finally let your guard down, be yourself, and you're either reviled for it, told to change who you are, or when you finally think you have someone who gives a damn regardless, they're looking at something or someone else and leaving you behind.
[ But similar to what Jaune said. Similar enough that she felt like continuing instead of just changing the subject. ]
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I thought I mattered to Pyrrha. Maybe I did, at first, maybe not, I don't... I don't know. But ever since I got here, ever since Battler, I'm not the same person. Before she left the first time, she didn't even know how to deal with it. With me. Not anymore. And she was the person who I thought would always have my back. Even if I didn't like her the way she wanted me to. I'm not sure if it's better that she pretends I don't exist now or not. Nora likes to pretend everything's okay and I guess whatever as long as she's happy. And then Weiss and Sun-- [His smile doesn't reach his eyes.] Mercury and Yang, who haven't even known eachother that long, it's all--
It's stupid. No one wants me around until they want something. I'm not saying it's exactly the same as what you're going through. No one's ever...I've never had the type of relationship you had with Cinder. And people have given me more chances than I deserve, but everyone acting like they have some right to judge you, or leave you behind, it's stupid. It sucks.
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[ She shakes her head. Getting into a conversation about Cinder and her relationship, her doubts, Mercury's insistence that she give up on her, Cassian's dislike for a woman she's never met based on what Emerald's said... It's complicated. It's better not to get into. ]
There were a couple of times, I thought I might really try with David. He's horrendous to stick around, vomit-inducingly positive, but he doesn't seem to judge me no matter what I do, even when things slip through the cracks... I murdered a banshee in front of him and he doesn't seem to have a problem with me despite that he's a chicken when it comes to horror movies. But I really don't think he could handle it if he knew me. Part of me thinks he'd just assume the best case scenario about any details I left out, or assume I was lying to try to push him away for whatever reason. It's not real, and I can't really handle him for long periods of time. I definitely don't love him, but that doesn't matter. It's gross but I kind of get why Mercury used to get with all those girls now because of David. It isn't real, but it's nice to feel like someone wants you around for something even for a minute when you know no one really does. Not more than anyone else. [ That's probably why she's taking so long with this, even if she gets constantly annoyed having to put up with all his happy. ]
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I think I can understand why Mercury would do that. Not that I've had any luck, but... It just sounds like it would be cool to just uhm...you know. H-- [He averts his eyes oh god is he blushing in front of Emerald?] Make love and stuff without the love. [Okay you know what he's just going to toy with his glass.] Everyone seems to think that they like you when they don't even know you, they say all these nice things, but I wish they would just be honest for once. It hurts a lot less.
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That's funny, saying that to the best liar you know. [ She has a really dumb idea, but honestly.. This isn't the place to say it. She isn't even sure she wants to say it. Jaune gets stuff though, and it isn't like anyone would believe him if he told anyone they talked or did anything besides insult him and eat. ]
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[He bites into another slice before he can get too flustered.] Somehow you've always been honest to me for a while. At least I think you have.
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[ It's entirely possible she intentionally waited until he was eating to ask that. She's not even sure if she wants him to answer positively, but what's it going to hurt? He doesn't have to know she's a virgin too, but if they're both just... In agreement that they have enough respect not to be a creep about it and they aren't going to pretend there are feelings involved.. what's it going to hurt to ask?
Besides Jaune's breathing and dignity. ]
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He coughs until he feels like he can breathe again, red-faced and voice a little scratchy. He sounds incredibly unsure, as if he' not sure it was just wishful thinking, or did she really ask him?]
Sex as in? I mean yes. I want to have sex. It sounds...great.
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And it's teasing proof because no one would believe it happened. ]
I'll think about it if you promise not to be a freak about it.
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But now that Emerald has stated it aloud, it's become more real. He tries to hide his nervous excitement, not wanting to be a "freak" like she just warned him.]
I promise. It's just...it's just for fun, right? Because we can. If we do end up doing this, I mean if you decide you want to, do you want us to rent a hotel room or something? [He could pay, pick somewhere nice. Whatever would make this less complicated for them.]
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[ Talking about this is dumb. In fact. ] I have my own room, Merc and I moved. I'm not living on the couch anymore. My other rules is that you don't go around telling people about whatever happens. You can say it happened but don't like.. no details. That's no one's business. I'll really kill you if someone finds out anything they shouldn't.
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[It's awkward af.] Believe it or not, sometimes I can keep a secret. It's none of their business anyway.
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Good. Want to get the pizza to go?
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Sure. Don't want to waste a perfectly good pizza.
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[ Look she doesn't really know how this goes, as much as she's trying to pretend she does. So she's just going to go grab a box from the counter while the guy's in the back and load their pizza up while they talk. ]
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[He trusts Emerald more than he trusts himself, mostly because he's a complete loser and Emerald isn't.]
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[ She really thought that would for some reason. Like legitimately thought that would be his thing somehow. Maybe she shouldn't be getting into this. This is probably going to be a mess, and if Mercury found out she would literally never live it down.
And yet, she still wanted to do it, despite her anxiety. Emerald got a surprising amount of anxiety about a lot of things, enough to know better than to listen to it. (Or at least to be better at listening to someone else when they told her it wasn't her place to worry about it.)
Pizza is packed up, she holds it out to Jaune (he should carry it), and she starts heading toward the nearest WaysPoint. ]
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Actually it does. It does a lot caaan we stop talking about that now when we're nowhere near a bed?
[Jaune's more of the type of person to try and encourage people to abate their anxiety, rather than tell them what to worry about. Not that he would guess Emerald has much anxiety right now. She at least seems more confident than him.
He takes the box like a gentleman and follows her out.]
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[ She's also a much better liar than he is. Emerald walks backward so she can grab another slice out of the box while Jaune's holding it to eat while she walks. ]
Mmmm~
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[That's what he's hoping anyway. Emerald is gorgeous, even if her personality isn't.
But it is more honest and fun than most people he knows.]
Excuse you. [He really hopes she doesn't trip. Also his face is flushing. Great.]
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[ The temptation to tell Jaune about how some guys can get so nervous that they cant' get it up even if they want to, but she gets the feeling that would make him nervous and then they'd both be stuck. ]
So what are you into? Like... kink-wise. [ It's good to have expectations! And maybe something will be fun, she doesn't know. It's not like she really has practical knowledge of this stuff, most of her learning experiences end with "UGGGGH SHUT UP MERCURY." ]
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[He gives her a weird look. That's probably in her best interest because he's incredibly nervous already. He starts imagining how everything could go wrong when she mentions kinks. He's so caught off guard about talking about it casually that it distracts him.]
Not that I have a lot of experience or anything, but uhm...angry stuff. I like it when people get angry at me. Which I know is weird, you don't have to tell me. Some violence could be fun, nothing too serious but like biting playfully and stuff? I want to try using Dust someday, but I think that's too risky right now. I've always wanted to try it underwater. No bondage. Wh-- What about you?
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