I have been doing my best to give you advice. Real advice, that could help, because you seem a kind boy, and I do wish things were better for you. If you scorn that by talking like this now, then... Well, I won't kill you.
[her tone does not make that last line sound comforting.]
What advice have you given me other than I'd have to wait ten thousand years, kill her and have Weiss summon her which might not even work, or that everything is bad and I shouldn't do it?
[He finally walks up to her. He knows he's tall and that can be intimidating, but he knows Caster is much more powerful than him and probably won't find it very alarming. He still tries anyway.]
Keep telling yourself that. If you threaten anyone who mentions Hakuno at all, maybe you don't deserve the power you were given.
It's not like you used it to help people who needed it...
To accept the time you are given here. Did you learn nothing from my story? If it's doomed to end badly, then at least enjoy the time you have rather than wasting it looking for an alternative that won't help.
[She stares up at him. She doesn't flinch.]
I don't threaten anyone who mentions Hakuno. I threaten a brat who doesn't know what he's talking about, who has made his friend's death all about him and his feelings, and who complains about how hard his fate is, not even knowing the circumstances of the one he's talking to. You're making a lot of assumptions, for someone who hasn't heard a word of what happened after the legend ended.
Your story? What. Do you want me to be grateful you took time out of your precious immortality to tell me to give up? When you have everything you want? When humans die, we don't get to choose to become a heroic spirit, or whatever. There is no afterlife or second chances for us. We just stop existing, and then the survivors are left to pick up the pieces and remember them. I don't want to remember Pyrrha. I want to be with her.
So go ahead and threaten me! For someone so old, you act more like a brat than I ever have. It's not my fault you chose to change the subject and you don't get to make pretty speeches about how even fate won't stop you and then turn around and tell me to just cherish what I have.
Do you think I had a choice, either?! To become a Heroic Spirit, or to return to my source and cease to be, reincarnation never was an option to me no matter how much I wished for it!
[She can feel her temper boiling, perhaps assisted by the wine. Or perhaps it's simply anger she's been repressing for a thousand years finally reaching a breaking point. She knows, on some level, she shouldn't say anything. It's a pointless argument, just comparing their misery. But the way Jaune accuses her bites deep, and she spits her fury out at him like a weapon.]
Do you think I have everything I want?! The Hakuno here isn't mine, you brat, she's one from an alternate timeline! She only ever knew me as an enemy, the loyal Servant of a deranged madman, and certainly didn't share my feelings! I have everything I want?! This Hakuno has another Servant, a better one, who was able to save her, when in the end, I couldn't save mine- I couldn't even die with her, no matter how much I wanted to, because I got taken here instead! The King of Heroes saved this one, but I, the Heroic Spirit of a traitor, could do nothing but unwittingly lead her towards her death! So tell me, Jaune, exactly how is it that I have everything I want?! At least Pyrrha knows who you are!
[Her voice is cracked with bitterness, rage, resentment... But for all of her angry, biting words, most of it is directed at herself. She couldn't save Hakuno. She couldn't even die with her. And then the one here only recognized her as an enemy, and had a different Servant, who could save her... Tamamo has always hated herself, but this is a new level of it.]
You still get to exist! You can exist, and think for yourself. You have more of a chance than any of us, than Pyrrha ever did.
[The unshed tears in his eyes seem to make them brighten. He has some idea of what he's doing right now. Caster doesn't deserve to deal with his anger, or to hear such cruel words. He's scared, lost, and the only answer that doesn't end in more tragedy and lost lives would entail him having to accept what happened. He feels trapped. It's harder to formulate the right words, and he just stares at Caster, but not really at her so much as through her, finally snapping when she mentions Pyrrha again.]
I'm a failure! [His throat feels raw, his voice higher as he gestures to himself.]
Pyrrha knows that I'm just a failure. All I ever did was rely on her, hoping it would pay off and I could be the person I thought she believed in. But she didn't. She chose to push me away. I didn't get the chance to protect her and fight by her side.
[He glances up at the sky, screwing his eyes shut. His emotions are a storm, threatening to overwhelm him one moment and then fading into nothing. He just sounds tired.] This is all I have. I didn't earn my way to Beacon. If someone else had been her partner, things probably would have turned out differently. It's all my fault-- I have to fix it.
[At the admission of failure, her shoulders slump, like the cord holding her anger together just snapped. Her anger dissipates, replaced with... Not despair, exactly. Lamentation, sympathy, regret.]
Then as one failure to another, will you not heed my advice? I have led everyone I have loved to their deaths, but yours wished to save you. That is something to honor.
... And if all it is is amends, then you should be asking her what she wants. If nothing else, you have been given this time to do whatever you wish with. If you wish to woo her, that is your right. If you wish to ignore her to seek other paths, then I won't help you, but you are allowed.
Or you could train with her, instead. Perhaps if she becomes stronger here, she can overcome whatever killed her. Perhaps if you tell her her fate, she can avoid it. Perhaps if you become stronger here, you can go back with her and do something.
[His voice is small, all the frustration he's felt directed inward. He just sounds defeated. He can't meet her eyes, focusing on the ground and hugging his arm again.]
Weiss said the same thing. It's not... She deserves better. What I want doesn't matter.
[He's silent for a moment. It still takes a lot of effort to talk about what happened.] I think part of her already figured it out. We're almost from the same time. [Finally he does meet her eyes, hesitant and scared asking will lead to the same answers.] Would that work if we asked Crepe to help?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[her tone does not make that last line sound comforting.]
no subject
[He finally walks up to her. He knows he's tall and that can be intimidating, but he knows Caster is much more powerful than him and probably won't find it very alarming. He still tries anyway.]
Keep telling yourself that. If you threaten anyone who mentions Hakuno at all, maybe you don't deserve the power you were given.
It's not like you used it to help people who needed it...
no subject
[She stares up at him. She doesn't flinch.]
I don't threaten anyone who mentions Hakuno. I threaten a brat who doesn't know what he's talking about, who has made his friend's death all about him and his feelings, and who complains about how hard his fate is, not even knowing the circumstances of the one he's talking to. You're making a lot of assumptions, for someone who hasn't heard a word of what happened after the legend ended.
no subject
So go ahead and threaten me! For someone so old, you act more like a brat than I ever have. It's not my fault you chose to change the subject and you don't get to make pretty speeches about how even fate won't stop you and then turn around and tell me to just cherish what I have.
no subject
[She can feel her temper boiling, perhaps assisted by the wine. Or perhaps it's simply anger she's been repressing for a thousand years finally reaching a breaking point. She knows, on some level, she shouldn't say anything. It's a pointless argument, just comparing their misery. But the way Jaune accuses her bites deep, and she spits her fury out at him like a weapon.]
Do you think I have everything I want?! The Hakuno here isn't mine, you brat, she's one from an alternate timeline! She only ever knew me as an enemy, the loyal Servant of a deranged madman, and certainly didn't share my feelings! I have everything I want?! This Hakuno has another Servant, a better one, who was able to save her, when in the end, I couldn't save mine- I couldn't even die with her, no matter how much I wanted to, because I got taken here instead! The King of Heroes saved this one, but I, the Heroic Spirit of a traitor, could do nothing but unwittingly lead her towards her death! So tell me, Jaune, exactly how is it that I have everything I want?! At least Pyrrha knows who you are!
[Her voice is cracked with bitterness, rage, resentment... But for all of her angry, biting words, most of it is directed at herself. She couldn't save Hakuno. She couldn't even die with her. And then the one here only recognized her as an enemy, and had a different Servant, who could save her... Tamamo has always hated herself, but this is a new level of it.]
no subject
[The unshed tears in his eyes seem to make them brighten. He has some idea of what he's doing right now. Caster doesn't deserve to deal with his anger, or to hear such cruel words. He's scared, lost, and the only answer that doesn't end in more tragedy and lost lives would entail him having to accept what happened. He feels trapped. It's harder to formulate the right words, and he just stares at Caster, but not really at her so much as through her, finally snapping when she mentions Pyrrha again.]
I'm a failure! [His throat feels raw, his voice higher as he gestures to himself.]
Pyrrha knows that I'm just a failure. All I ever did was rely on her, hoping it would pay off and I could be the person I thought she believed in. But she didn't. She chose to push me away. I didn't get the chance to protect her and fight by her side.
[He glances up at the sky, screwing his eyes shut. His emotions are a storm, threatening to overwhelm him one moment and then fading into nothing. He just sounds tired.] This is all I have. I didn't earn my way to Beacon. If someone else had been her partner, things probably would have turned out differently. It's all my fault-- I have to fix it.
no subject
Then as one failure to another, will you not heed my advice? I have led everyone I have loved to their deaths, but yours wished to save you. That is something to honor.
... And if all it is is amends, then you should be asking her what she wants. If nothing else, you have been given this time to do whatever you wish with. If you wish to woo her, that is your right. If you wish to ignore her to seek other paths, then I won't help you, but you are allowed.
Or you could train with her, instead. Perhaps if she becomes stronger here, she can overcome whatever killed her. Perhaps if you tell her her fate, she can avoid it. Perhaps if you become stronger here, you can go back with her and do something.
no subject
[His voice is small, all the frustration he's felt directed inward. He just sounds defeated. He can't meet her eyes, focusing on the ground and hugging his arm again.]
Weiss said the same thing. It's not... She deserves better. What I want doesn't matter.
[He's silent for a moment. It still takes a lot of effort to talk about what happened.] I think part of her already figured it out. We're almost from the same time. [Finally he does meet her eyes, hesitant and scared asking will lead to the same answers.] Would that work if we asked Crepe to help?
no subject
[Caster doesn't believe a fucking word of it, though.]
no subject
Why can't she control them? Maybe if they would stop treating us like we're less important, we could help her train to control them.
no subject
[She's about to comment on how the books said dangerous, out of control powers usually got their owners executed, but probably a bad idea.]
Crepe's library has more information.
no subject
[He pauses, looking uncertain.]
Or I can, if you don't want to. [He was just a jerk.]
no subject
I've read everything relevant in there already. And taking some time to read and cool your head would likely do wonders for you.
no subject
I understand.